I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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