i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
