weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
