dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
