I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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