the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
