She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize