Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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