Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
