I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
this hospital has no fireball
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize