I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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