Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He passed out mid-signature
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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