Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
