If i come over, it means nothing
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
