You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
