another moral hangover. fuck.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
