That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I am spending my child support on dildos
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
