I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
