He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A+ Viking dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
