i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
