I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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