my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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