Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
40s are totally the cure
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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