well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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