you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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