sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
