What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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