I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
