Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
