Don't you send me to vm
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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