He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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