there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
