I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
