I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
