i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
