Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Randomize
