How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
