My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It was like giving head to a cactus.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
