And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My vagina is very pro this idea
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