i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
