Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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