I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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