i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
