Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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