Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
