His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
