my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this just has baby written all over it
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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