sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
