The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
