they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
