just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
