Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
