dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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