Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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