My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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