first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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