you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
