T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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