You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
