yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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