you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize