He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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