we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
