I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
