Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am midnight drunk by noon
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
