Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
