That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
