Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
