Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
