and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
