take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
