i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
