I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
